​Stop Telling, Start Asking, Start Listening

Encouraging open dialogue and fresh ideas in a team meeting can transform outcomes.

In today's workplace – whether on the deck of a Navy ship or in a mortgage office – true leadership isn’t about barking orders, but about fostering dialogue and trust. A striking example comes from former U.S. Navy Captain Mike Abrashoff, who learned the power of a simple question: “What do you think?”. On his ship USS Benfold, Abrashoff once asked a young engineer for his opinion instead of giving an order, and the sailor replied, “Nobody ever asked me to think before.” Empowered by being heard, that sailor went on to deliver a flawless performance, lifting burdens off his captain’s shoulders. Abrashoff’s big lesson was that if all you do is give commands, you’ll end up with order-takers – and order-takers don’t take accountability for results.

From Order-Takers to Owners of Results
The story above illustrates a crucial shift every leader or advisor should embrace. Top-down, command-and-control management might yield obedience, but it won’t inspire ownership. When people are only following orders, they’ll do exactly what they’re told – and no more. As Abrashoff observed, relying solely on issuing directives “creates order takers, and order takers don’t take accountability for the results.” In other words, if a project fails under an order-only regime, the response is often, “Well, I just did what I was told.” There’s no initiative or responsibility in that mindset. In contrast, by inviting team members to share their ideas and solutions, you turn them from passive doers into active owners of the outcome. They feel responsible and invested in success, because their thinking contributed to the plan. This shift from compliance to commitment is especially important when working with younger generations who crave involvement and meaning in their work.

Leading the Next Generation: Ask, Don’t Tell
Every new generation entering the workforce – or the homebuying market – brings energy and fresh perspectives. To harness that potential, leaders and professionals must adjust their approach. Leading younger generations isn’t about:

• Telling them exactly what to do,
• Controlling their every move, or
• Demanding blind obedience.

Instead, it’s about:

• Asking questions like “What do you think?”,
• Creating space for their ideas to surface, and
• Letting them own the solutions they propose.

When you shift from telling to asking, you signal trust. For example, a mortgage team leader might ask a junior loan officer how they would streamline the application process, or a real estate mentor might ask a new agent what marketing strategy they believe will attract first-time buyers. These questions encourage young professionals to think proactively and share ideas. The truth is, the best ideas often come from your youngest team members – if you’re brave enough to ask, and humble enough to listen. By listening actively, you not only show respect, but you might discover innovative solutions that a top-down approach would have missed. In Abrashoff’s case, many solutions his crew suggested turned out better than the way he initially thought of doing things, proving that empowering others can dramatically improve results.

Why This Matters for Homebuyers and Mortgage Professionals
You might be thinking, “This all sounds like great leadership advice, but how does it relate to homebuying or mortgages?” In fact, it’s highly relevant. Today’s homebuyers – especially Millennials and Gen Z – value professionals who listen and educate rather than dictate. Recent industry data shows that people under 35 now make up the largest share of borrowers, accounting for roughly 40% of new mortgages. In practice, this means a young first-time homebuyer likely comes to the table with plenty of research and questions. If a mortgage broker or real estate agent simply rattles off orders – “Do this, don’t do that, sign here” – without engaging in conversation, they risk alienating these clients. But if instead the professional asks the client about their goals and concerns (“What are you looking for in a home loan?”), and truly listens, it builds trust. The client feels respected and is more likely to voice honest concerns or creative ideas (for instance, exploring down payment assistance programs or alternative financing options). This collaborative approach can lead to tailored solutions that fit the client’s needs better than any one-size-fits-all directive.

For mortgage professionals working in teams, the same principles apply internally. If you’re a team lead or manager in a lending office, consider how you mentor your junior employees. Perhaps a new loan officer suggests a novel way to use social media for reaching prospects, or a young team member proposes a more efficient workflow using the latest fintech tool. Rather than dismissing it with “We’ve always done it this way,” give their idea serious consideration. By asking clarifying questions and maybe piloting their suggestion, you not only show confidence in them but might gain a competitive edge from their insight. Remember, empowering your team doesn’t weaken your authority – it strengthens your results. When younger staff feel their ideas are valued, they take more initiative and responsibility, which ultimately means better service for your clients and a more agile business.
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Be Brave Enough to Ask, Humble Enough to Listen
The core message is simple but powerful: Stop telling – start asking, and start truly listening. It takes courage for a leader or expert to admit they don’t have all the answers and to invite input from others, especially those less experienced. It also takes humility to quiet your own impulse to control, and instead hear what the other person has to say. But as we’ve seen, the rewards are immense. By asking “What do you think?” and listening with an open mind, you create a culture of engagement and accountability. In that kind of environment, people young and old feel ownership of the process and outcome. For homebuyers, this means a smoother, more personalized journey to owning a home – because their voices are heard. For mortgage professionals and team leaders, it means unlocking the full potential of your colleagues and clients. As Captain Abrashoff demonstrated on the USS Benfold, giving up the old “because I said so” mentality can transform a group of order-takers into a team of proactive problem-solvers. All it takes is the willingness to ask for ideas and the humility to truly listen to the answers. By doing so, you’ll not only earn the respect and trust of the younger generation – you’ll also spark the kind of innovation and accountability that drives real success